Steve Young
From SAS Wiki
Hall of Fame QB who played for the San Francisco 49ers. Had better presense, poise and intelligence than Joe Montana, a stronger arm than Dan Marino, and was Michael Vick before Vick even had his first outbreak of herpes. Also happens to be an impossibly handsome man. He is sometimes said to be almost as awesome as Brett Favre, though most dismiss this as mere hyperbole.
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Early Years
- Excelled at Brigham Young University.
- Signed a record 10-year, $40 million contract with the Los Angeles Express of the now-defunct United States Football League in 1984. Played until the league folded in 1985.
- Still receives an annuity from the USFL, even though the league has been dead for 20 years.
- Played for the Buccaneers from 1985-87, but struggled with a crappy team around him.
- When the Bucs drafted 60 year-old Vinny Testaverde, he was traded to the 49ers.
- Needs only 14 credits at BYU and to pass the bar exam to become a lawyer. Seriously.
The 49ers Years
- Played behind God Himself, Joe Montana. He shone as a backup but he always felt he was standing in Joe's shadow.
- For ten years he roomed with Brent Jones and hid his NFL money in his sock drawer.
- Got his chance to start in 1991 after Joe got injured. Won MVP honors in 1992. Joe was traded in April 1993.
- Finally made it to a Super Bowl, and won, destroying the hapless Chargers 44-29 in Super Bowl XXIX. In a fitting scene Harris Barton pantomimed ripping the monkey off his back.
- For the next three years, he and the 49ers would be eliminated in the playoffs by the stinky Packers.
- However in 1998 he engineered the second greatest comeback in NFL history as he threw the winning touchdown to wide receiver Terrell Owens as time expired to win the game 30-27. They would lose to the Falcons 20-18 though in the next round, because there is obviously no omnibenevolent God.
- 1999 eventually became his final season. His years of playing caught up with him and a concussion, his fifth, in Arizona in Week 3 forced him to retire at the end of the season. FUCK YOU AENEAS WILLIAMS
After Football
- Is an analyst for ESPN's NFL Countdown.
- Married former model Barbara Graham in 2000 in Hawaii.
- Has two sons.
- Started the Forever Young Charity.
- Was a volunteer during the 2002 Olympics in Salt Lake City.
Awards
- Seven Pro Bowl appearances
- Super Bowl XXIX MVP
- League MVP in 1992 and 1994
- Elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 2005
- Numerous Passing Titles
- Would have been the NFL's Sexiest Man if Jillian Barberie had existed in the mid-90s.
Likes
- Marie Osmond
- Temple
- Seriously, who the fuck would have charged him tuition? He's Brigham Young's grandson!
- The occasional mushroom stamp
Dislikes
- There's Something About Mary (Brett Favre's role was written for Steve, but he wouldn't be in it because of the naughtiness)
- Lawrence Phillips; God damn asshole!
- Aeneas Williams
- Ringing noises in his ears, nausea and intermittent memory loss
- The Dallas Cowboys
