Contents 1 America 2 MLB 3 NBA 4 NHL 5 NFL 6 NCAA 7 FIFA World Cup 2010 8 Golf 9 Tennis 10 NASCAR 11 Formula 1 12 Wrestling 13 Mixed Martial Arts 14 Competitive Eating

America

• Owns

MLB

• Josh Hamilton is made of glass.
• Needing more capable owners, the Dodgers have been placed in the hands of Bud Selig.
• Year of the Pitcher II!

NBA

• LeBron lost to Cleveland. No one cars.
• The Memphis Grizzlies are trolling basketball.

NHL

• Zdeno Chara killed someone in Montreal. Fear not though, Dudley Do-Right is on the case!
• It's playoff time! Prepare for disappointment.... now!
• The Phoenix Coyotes are going back to Winnipeg....?

NFL

• Never Going to Fucking Play Ever Again.
  • Packers champions for all time
• Chad Pennington didn't get the message, however, and is injured again.

NCAA

• The Best BCS Championship You Can Buy With $180,000
• Wannstache fired

FIFA World Cup 2010

• Spain won. No one cares.

Golf

• Tiger Woods got cleaned the fuck out.
• But not as cleaned out as initially reported
• Is now free to sow his royal oats wherever he chooses.

Tennis

• Epic match won by an American

NASCAR

• LEFT TURN
• LEFT TURN
• LEFT TURN
• CRASH
• LEFT TURN
• Some kid ended up winning the Daytona 500 by default. Will likely live off that single win for the rest of his career.
• We're gonna changekeep the samechange the format of the Chase so it's teh super kewl and teh unbeatable...even though Jimmie Johnson will win it again anyway.

Formula 1

• MAHK WEBBAH! vs. Lewis "No Hands" Hamilton

Wrestling

• FINALLY, THE ROCK HAS RETURNED, TO WRESTLING (via satellite)

Mixed Martial Arts

• Coming soon to a UFC near you: MIDGETS!
• Randy Couture hopefully done, riding off into the old man sunset of awful, awful movies.
• Brock Lesnar is getting less hated by MMA fans and loved by Wrestling fans.
• He punches people in the face, pisses off sponsors, and curls into a ball when punched in the face.
• As a result of said ball curling, a Mexican has taken his job.
• Fedor lol
• All Japanese organizations canceled due to poor mafia control

Competitive Eating

• Joey Chestnut wins again! God bless America!
• Takeru Kobayashi imprisoned for possibly sedition or something I don't know.