Rutgers Scarlet Knights
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The State University of New Jersey. Originally Dutch, so they hate the English at Princeton. Rutgers is the University most commonly attended by New Jersey residents unable to get accepted into West Virginia University.
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Reputation
Despite improved play during the past four seasons, Rutgers still has difficulty shaking its old image of a laughing stock. The northeast honestly does not follow college football all that much, this has only started to recently changed with improved success. Perhaps to blame is the fact that Rutgers has only been the state university for 60 years, having previously been a member of the Ivy League. The school itself suffers from notoriously inept and ineffectual management, yet somehow manages to have a good academic reputation despite the best efforts of both its administration and date-rape prone, keystone light-drinking student body. Their athletic teams are world-reknown for continual disappointment and misguided optimism.
The Grease Trucks
Sadly/awesomely, the school's biggest claim to fame. No, they're not near the stadium. They are literally four disgusting white trucks in New Brunswick that serve the most delicious, cardiac-destroying food concoctions you could ever imagine. Think of all of your favorite foods, literally put them all haphazardly in a sub, and devour for the low price of $4.99. Rumors of the existance of the fat sandwiches circulated as gossip and legend among fans of other Big East schools visiting New Brunswick, but only became more prominently known to the outside world after receiving an award from Maxim magazine.
Examples
Fat Darrell: Mozzarella sticks, chicken fingers, fries, marinara (delicious!)
Fat Cat: Two cheeseburgers, fries, lettuce, tomato, mayo & ketchup
Fat Koko: Pizza steak, mozzarella sticks, fries
Fat Bitch: Cheese steak, mozzarella sticks, chicken fingers, mayo, ketchup, lettuce, fries, tomatoes, onions
Fat Moon: Chicken fingers, bacon, egg, fries, mayo, ketchup, lettuce, tomato, onions
STDs
A common misconception is that the school has the highest rate of sexually transmitted diseases in the country; but that's actually Texas. In all honesty, the sad truth is that 90% of RU students aren't getting any. I mean, come on, there are dedicated campuses for both nerds and lesbians.
Football
The football history of the Knights is decisively average, only beginning to play the equivalent of a DI-A schedule in the early 1980s. Their history has some accomplishments, but was largely mediocre up until the early 90s. The Scarlet Knights were known as one of the worst teams in DI-A football in the late 90s and early 00s under coach Terry Shea, but seem to have somewhat rebounded and are (gulp) steadily improving due to improved recruiting of local talent, and a knack for finding successful Miami Hurricanes table scraps from Florida.
Brian Leonard, the great white hope of Caste Football, was arguably the catalyst for the program's turnaround. He isn't really comparable to Mike Alstott, because Leonard is a zillion times more athletic and can actually block. He likes to jump a lot and run over people.
Ray Rice has become the focal point of the offense in 2006, regulating Leonard to a complementary role and garnering death threats from posters at Caste Football. Fans consider Syracuse and Connecticut to be their main rivals, loathe Boston College, and resent the patronism of Penn State and Notre Dame, the other main rivals for attention of the handful of people who actually follow college football in the East.
The Birthplace of College Football
The first intercollegiate football game was played in New Brunswick on November 6, 1869 vs. Princeton, where Rutgers decisively won 6-3. A bunch of jerks like to point out that this game was much more similar to Rugby, but no one fucking cares you assholes. Rutgers proceeded to pave over the spot of this holy event, invoking the wrath of the football gods, and it is presently covered by a gymnasium and parking lot. In the 1970s, Piscatway refused an offer to host the College Football Hall of Fame, which South Bend swiftly jumped on. The football team currently plays in a stadium neighboring Piscataway on a converted former Army base.
Fun facts:
- An awesome, loud cannon is fired every time the team scores.
- A grotesque apartment building is visible in the skyline of the stadium, and for years this was the only detail of the stadium that EA Sports captured in their NCAA Football series.
- Fans bring a "Beat Visitor" sign into the enclosed endzone every game, in a homage to their favorite, ridiculously unbalanced football game.
- The Mascot (Knight on a horse) is supplied by Medieval Times. I am not making this up.
Basketball
With Texas A&M finally making the NCAA Tournament in 2006, Rutgers is now infamous for being the major with the longest absence from the NCAA tournament, not having received a bid since their Atlantic 10 championship in 1991, despite several near misses. Rutgers Basketball actually made the Final Four in 1976 and was pretty fucking good in the 70s, but foolishly refused an invite to the Big East (eventually joining in 1995) in favor of being Penn State's lapdog in hopes of forming a conference of the then-unaffiliated eastern independents.
Other highlights include alumnus Jimmy V dying of cancer before he had a chance to take over the coaching job, and an embarassing scandal in which players were forced to shoot free throws while naked. Every player that has transferred from the team in the past decade has ended up making the NCAA tournament. For years, all Knight fans have had to look forward to were NIT bids and playing Seton Hall.
The Scarlet Knights recently fired the moronically-inept Gary Waters, and are set to begin the next phase in their ever-present rebuilding. In the first round 2006 NBA Draft, shooting guard/alien lifeform/stick figure/the bestest, most underrated shooter in America Quincy Douby was drafted by the Sacramento Kings. Fred Hill is the latest coach to give the program a whirl, promising to mirror Schiano's recruiting strategies on the court.
Women's Basketball
Actually they field an awesome team under Hall-of-Fame coach C. Vivian Stringer, but literally no one fucking cares except for a few dykes and politicians. Or they didn't, until Don Imus called them a bunch of nappy-headed hos. Jealous Connecticut fans claim the team is full of thugs who can't play offense, but the fact is that the WNBA doesn't pay very much. The girls will have to make a living after graduation somehow. Also made the championship game this year, losing to the Tennessee Volunteers.
Other Sports
Also good at baseball (Todd Frazier, Eric Young, and David DeJesus wooooo), lacrosse, and other sports you don't care about (but not crew, that was cut).
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