Detroit Red Wings
The Detroit Red Wings are a great to awful hockey club located in Detroit, Michigan. Because the city of Detroit is in a constant state of exodus, every road game has a rink full of Red Wings fans, as those cities are where relocated fans have found jobs. While the salary-capped Red Wings cannot just recreate the 1995 NHL All-Star team any more, the Wings have cleverly avoided disaster by signing every star player to a 35-year contract.
The most disastrous Red Wings season in recent memory was 2009-2010, where the team only finished in 6th place, and only won five playoff games.
Many people hate the Detroit Red Wings. In the interest of fairness, this is a section of what people hate about them.
- Self-proclaimed as HOCKEYTOWN!
- Fuck Tomas Holmstrom
- Fuck Detroit Fans
- Original Six Hatred from Montreal, Toronto, Chicago, New York, and Boston.
- Todd Bertuzzi
In addition to fans of other teams, fans of the Red Wings themselves hate the team:
- (Insert Player Here) is too old and broken down to play anymore.
- Ken Holland doesn't know anything about running a sports team, and his 2002 and 2008 Cups were flukes
- (Insert Player Here) should be traded because he doesn't fit into the system
- (Insert Player Here) wants too much money
- Todd Bertuzzi
Sometimes, even players on the Red Wings hate themselves:
The one thing everyone likes about the Red Wings:
Red Wings Neurosis
Because of the Red Wings all-or-nothing playoff history, Detroit fans have become extremely neurotic and bi-polar about the team. Symptoms include:
- Drastic Mood Swings
- Suicidal Thoughts (in the case of a loss)
- Increasing Nausea during Overtime
- Extreme Arrogance (in the case of a win)
Remember that 5 dollar shit pizza you bought the other night? You just financed the Red Wings! Or the Detroit Tigers.
Schroedinger's Cat's Conspiracy Corner
- Gary Bettman is constantly out to get the Red Wings.
- Every referee is against the Red Wings.
Minor league affiliates
Grand Rapids Griffins (AHL) Toledo Walleye (ECHL)