Detroit Red Wings

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The Detroit Red Wings are a great to awful hockey club located in Detroit, Michigan. Because the city of Detroit is in a constant state of exodus, every road game has a rink full of Red Wings fans, as those cities are where relocated fans have found jobs. While the salary-capped Red Wings cannot just recreate the 1995 NHL All-Star team any more, the Wings have cleverly avoided disaster by signing every star player to a 35-year contract.

The most disastrous Red Wings season in recent memory was 2009-2010, where the team only finished in 6th place, and only won five playoff games.


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Many people hate the Detroit Red Wings. In the interest of fairness, this is a section of what people hate about them.

In addition to fans of other teams, fans of the Red Wings themselves hate the team:

  • (Insert Player Here) is too old and broken down to play anymore.
  • Ken Holland doesn't know anything about running a sports team, and his 2002 and 2008 Cups were flukes
  • (Insert Player Here) should be traded because he doesn't fit into the system
  • (Insert Player Here) wants too much money
  • Todd Bertuzzi

Sometimes, even players on the Red Wings hate themselves:

The one thing everyone likes about the Red Wings:

Red Wings Neurosis

Because of the Red Wings all-or-nothing playoff history, Detroit fans have become extremely neurotic and bi-polar about the team. Symptoms include:

  • Drastic Mood Swings
  • Suicidal Thoughts (in the case of a loss)
  • Increasing Nausea during Overtime
  • Extreme Arrogance (in the case of a win)

Defensive Pairings



















Ericsson-Larry Murphy

Pizza! Pizza!

Remember that 5 dollar shit pizza you bought the other night? You just financed the Red Wings! Or the Detroit Tigers.

Schroedinger's Cat's Conspiracy Corner

  • Gary Bettman is constantly out to get the Red Wings.
  • Every referee is against the Red Wings.

Minor league affiliates

Grand Rapids Griffins (AHL) Toledo Walleye (ECHL)


Presumably others.

See Also

National Hockey League
Eastern Conference Western Conference
Atlantic Northeast Southeast Central Northwest Pacific
New Jersey Devils Boston Bruins Carolina Hurricanes Chicago Blackhawks Calgary Flames Anaheim Ducks
New York Islanders Buffalo Sabres Florida Panthers Columbus Blue Jackets Colorado Avalanche Dallas Stars
New York Rangers Montreal Canadiens Tampa Bay Lightning Detroit Red Wings Edmonton Oilers Los Angeles Kings
Philadelphia Flyers Ottawa Senators Washington Capitals Nashville Predators Minnesota Wild Phoenix Coyotes
Pittsburgh Penguins Toronto Maple Leafs Winnipeg Jets St. Louis Blues Vancouver Canucks San Jose Sharks
NHL teams that don't actually exist:
Atlanta Thrashers - California Golden Seals - Colorado Rockies - Cleveland Barons - Hartford Whalers - Kansas City Scouts - Minnesota North Stars - Quebec Nordiques
Kansas City Whatevers - Las Vegas Classifieds - Hamilton Wavers
New NHL - NHL Rink - NHL Rules - Canadian Hockey Media - Original Six - Gary Bettman - Hockey goons - AHL