Pedro Cerrano

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Having Marbles: That's Allstate's stance. Whats yours?

Life's work

Former slugger for the Cleveland Indians in their dreary late-80s/early-90s days. He practiced voodoo and coveted hats for his bats to keep them warm. Among other things, he enjoyed sacrificing chickens for more power from Jobu, and liked Jesus very much, but he was no help with curveball.

Prior to his playing days, Cerrano worked as a US Navy SEAL. After his playing days were over, Cerrano ran for President of the United States, eventually winning the office. Cerrano was a wanted man in his native Caribbean home, so naturally there were many attempts on his life. Cerrano, thanks to a nameless federal agent, repeatedly avoided death and served his American people honorably. Sadly, after his days as Prez were over, he was ultimately assassinated by some evil Chinese or Russians or somebody who had some kind of Sintox gas or some shit. I don't know what the hell happened there.

Zombie Pedro Cerrano can be seen on occasion hawking Allstate insurance and on some CBS show.


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