REASONS OSCAR IS SO FUCKIN' FAMOUS & GODDAMN GOLDEN

• WTF!!!

• millions of menopausal middle aged women want to chinga su pito mexicano

• since the white man can't fight no more (yet Rocky Balboa still made a sweet comeback)... a Mexican who kinda looks like maybe he's a quarter white is obviously the next best thing for white america

• candyass'ing his way to 38 wins by never defeating any great/good boxer in their prime

• throwing punches in bunches that don't do shit... except to excite the 90% pro-oscar las vegas crowd (90% of which know absolutely jack shit about boxing)

• walking away with $15 million more than a #1 pound for pound pretty boy that just... pounded his ass for 12 rounds, took his belt, stole his mexico, beat his dog, and pounded his wife's ass for another 12 rounds

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CURRENTLY

• will need to sell his soul in at least three different religions to avoid the Cinco de Mayo Mayweather Massacre Mediocre'ing of his golden virgin asshole promotional company
  • hope ya brought the K-Y... industrial free sample size

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CURRENTLY GETS TO BANG...

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Wins Meaningless Amateur Fights: 38

Wins by KO for just being so Golden: 30

Losses (a.k.a. Professional Boxing): 5

Draws: 0