Ohio State Buckeyes
The Ohio State Buckeyes are a powerhouse NCAA Football team attached to a mediocre diploma factory. Coached by Jim Tressel, they have recently graduated(!) the only decent offense they have had in the past 20 years, reverting to their tried and true method of making the punter the most important player on the field, narrowly edging out the kicker and whatever running back gets the glory of running down the clock one 2 yard carry at a time (Tressellball)
- The Buckeyes have won 5 of the last 6 showdowns against Michigan, but lost in 2011 because it's good football strategy to spike the ball on 3rd and long in your own end of the field with 42 seconds to go and no timeouts.
- The Buckeyes are the home of The Best Damn Band in the Land, the largest all-brass marching band in all NCAA football.
- Dotting the "i" in Ohio at half-time is equivalent to winning the lottery and having copious amounts of sex with 72 virgins.
- 8 years olds are virgins too, right?
- Not after Brutus is done with 'em!
- Hahahahahaha Maurice Clarett
- Florida owns them so much they should be paying property taxes.
- Have been out-coached by Ron Zook.
- Champions of the
- The Buckeyes are well-know for their Christmas Traditions
"On this day I say that John Cooper is a jerk. He's a classless jerk. There's no need for that. You're up 42 to nothing at home. You're playing an in-state team. There's no need to do this. There's no need to do this whatsover. Hey, you know what? Mark, maybe if they score here, they can go for an onside kick! You want to do that? Cooper, you're a jerk!"
Fire Jim Tressel!?
Are you nuts? He didn't know ANYTHING about those illegal benefits, tattoos, and sales of memorabilia and was just trying to protect them from trouble.
Blessing In Disguise
- URBANATION: Coming September 2012
Here's a somewhat updated list of current and former Buckeye football players.
- Future criminals
- This space accepting applications for high-paying entry-level football positions.
- DeVier Posey: Suspended five games for Tattoogate. Celebrated return to eligibility by getting suspended five more games after it was revealed he was overpaid for a summer job.
Future NFL Busts
- Terrelle Pryor ever so famous high school player from the WPIAL near Pittsburgh, PA more like Jeanette, PA
Too bad Pittsburgh don't care about him much anymore. He's good for selling his trophies and awards for tattoos. So good that he got caught, got his coach fired, and got to sit out some crappy games. Too good to take his punishment, he defected to the NFL. His advancement to the NFL busts association will be sooner we hope.
- But...but...he PROMISED he was coming back...PROMISED!
Former Players playing in the NFL
- AJ Hawk - Green Bay Packers
- Michael Jenkins - Atlanta Falcons
- Chris Gamble - Carolina Panthers
- Mike Nugent - Free Agency All-Stars
- Antoine Winfield - Minnesota Vikings
- Nate Clements - Buffalo Bills
- Santonio Holmes - Pittsburgh Steelers
- Donte Whitner - Buffalo Bills
- Ginn Family - 49ers
- Troy Smith - Baltimore Ravens
- James Laurinaitis - St Louis Rams
- Slo' Mo - In prison
- Korey Stringer - Dead
- Terry Glenn
- David Boston - (see: Jose Canseco)
- Eddie George
- Cris Carter
- Robert Smith
- Bobby Hoying
Also a basketball team maybe
Thad Matta supposedly led Ohio State to a Big Ten title in the 2005-2006 season, and supposedly has top shelf recruits lined up for the next four seasons to come, but hey did you know AJ Hawk married Laura Quinn, sister of Notre Dame quarterback Brady Quinn??
Then they had this one guy named Greg Oden, but he was controlled by some shoe company but he played anyway. OSU then got to the National Championship, where they were beat by guess who? Then Oden went to the NBA and people forgot OSU had a basketball team.
The Buckeyes in Hockey
|NCAA DIVISION I|