North Carolina Tar Heels
From SAS Wiki
North Carolina Tarheels is the name of all the athletic teams at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. In football, they are one of the biggest producers of NFL talent that no one has ever thought of. In basketball, they are the biggest producers of NBA talent in the nation. The football team is coached by the lord savior Jesus Christ and their basketball team is coached by God. They also play other sports like soccer but honestly no one but the gays give a shit about Carolina soccer, and there are a lot of gays there.
- In basketball, the Tarheels biggest rival is the Duke Blue Devils. Lately, this rivalry has grown a little one sided since Coach K can't recruit against Roy for shit.
- In basketball, no one in Chapel Hill cares about North Carolina State University, something State fans have not totally come to grips with.
- Roy Williams cannot fucking make in game adjustments (lol Wayne Ellington fade away threes amiright) to save his life and is well on his way to Dean Smith levels of underperforming with superior talent.
- Mmmmmmm Michael Jordan
- Really all that matters is beating Duke.
- Yeah, they don't have that many National Championships. Too bad they couldn't have played in the powerhouse conferences like the SEC and Pac-10 in the seventies and eighties back when you had to win your conference to get to the tournament or they wouldn't have to play anyone hard i mean do you have any idea how tiring the ACC is to play in please a loss in the ACC is like a win in the Big 10.
Contents |
Basketball
In the words of wikipedia, "North Carolina Basketball is the most blessed thing in all of the land. It pretty much reminds us that all was once good, and will be good again."
Coaches
Just for brevity's sake, we'll start with Dean.
Dean Smith
Among the accomplishments of Smith:
- 879 wins in 36 years of coaching, 2nd most in men's college Division I basketball history behind Bobby Knight.
- 77.6% winning percentage, which puts him 9th on highest winning percentage.
- Fourth total number of college games coached with 1,133.
- Most Division I 20-win seasons, with 27 consecutive 20-win seasons from 1970–1997
- 22 seasons with at least 25 wins
- 35 consecutive seasons with a 50% or better record.
- Was actually the first to fuck Phil Ford's wife, way before Shammond Williams made it popular.
- Two national championships (1982, 1993)
- 11 Final Fours (second all-time to John Wooden's 12).
- 17 regular-season ACC titles, plus 33 straight years finishing in the conference's top three and 20 years in the top two
- 13 ACC tournament titles
- 27 NCAA tournament appearances, including 23 consecutive.
- Once ate 51 hard boiled eggs just because he could.
- 96.6% graduation rate among players. Second only to Duke because no Blue Devils are good enough to leave early.
- Recruited 26 All-Americans to play at North Carolina under him.
- His players were often successful in the NBA. Five of Smith's players have been Rookie of the Year in either the NBA or ABA. Among Smith's most successful players in the NBA are Michael Jordan, Larry Brown, James Worthy, Sam Perkins, Phil Ford, Bob McAdoo, Billy Cunningham, Kenny Smith, Walter Davis, Jerry Stackhouse, Antawn Jamison, Rick Fox, Vince Carter and Rasheed Wallace. Smith coached 25 NBA first round draft picks.
- Is awesome.
- In 1976, Smith coached the United States team to a gold medal at the Summer Olympics in Montreal.
- Smith is one of only three coaches to have coached teams to an Olympic gold medal, an NIT championship and an NCAA championship. The others are Pete Newell and Bobby Knight.
- Smith is one of only two people that have both played on and coached a winning NCAA championship basketball team. The other is Bobby Knight.
- Pretty much the best coach ever.
Eat shit K
Bill Guthridge
- Miserable coach and worse recruiter.
- Had a team with Antwaan Jamison, Vince Carter, Brendan Heywood, Shammond Williams, Ed Cota and Jamball superstar Makhtar Ndjiye and somehow still didn't win the National Championship.
- Never wanted to be there.
- Was responsible for such complete wastes of shit like Neil Fingleton, Brian Morrison, Kris Lang, Jason Capel, Adam Boone, Brian Bersticker, Jackie Melendez, and the biggest piece of shit in the history of North Carolina, Joseph Forte.
- Was hated the whole time he was there, and rightly so.
- Got to the Final Four twice in three years. Still a faggot.
Matt Dougherty
- INCREDIBLE GIANT FUCKING FAGGOT
- Managed to recruit Raymond Felton, Sean May, and Rashad McCantz.
- Won coach of the year with Guthridge's players.
- Got to the tournament once and didn't get past the second round.
- Only beat Duke once.
- Not even Julius Peppers could save him.
- Eventually run off. Don't fucking come back faggot.
Roy Williams
- Finally left that shit hole Lawrence to come home to Chapel Hill (and wear Jayhawk stickers after getting anally raped by them in the Final Four)
- Won a National Championship
- Recruited Tyler Hansbrough
- Is God
- Williams won more games in the first 15 seasons of his coaching career than anyone else in NCAA history.
- Williams is the 12th coach to lead two schools to the Final Four and the third (with Larry Brown and Frank McGuire) to direct two schools to the championship game. <ref name="bio"/>
- Williams is tied for sixth all-time in NCAA Tournament wins with 42 and has an NCAA postseason win percentage of .724, fourth-best among active coaches. Seven of his teams have been seeded No. 1 in a region in NCAA play.
- Williams has coached a team to 30 or more wins six times, which equals the second-most in NCAA history. He has won 20 or more games 16 times in 18 years (winning 19 in his first seasons at Kansas and UNC), including 14 straight seasons at Kansas, a streak that equaled the third longest in NCAA history. <ref name="bio"/>
- He was the third-fastest coach in history to reach 300 wins and fourth fastest to 400. He reached 500 wins in his 19th season, faster than any other Division I coach. He has won more games than any coach after eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17 and 18 seasons as a head coach. He is the second-winningest Jayhawk coach in history behind Smith's college coach, Phog Allen.
- Williams earned National Coach of the Year honors at Kansas in 1990, 1991, 1992 and 1997 and was Big Eight/Big 12 Coach of the Year seven times (1990, 1992, 1995, 1996, 1997, 2002 and 2003). The New York Athletic Club presented him with its National Coach of the Year award in 2005. He received the John R. Wooden Legends of Coaching Award in 2003 from the Los Angeles Athletic Club.
- Williams helped coach Team USA to a bronze medal at the 2004 Summer Olympics in Athens, Greece with fellow UNC alumnus Larry Brown.
- Williams is the winningest active coach by percentage among coaches with at least 10 years experience. His teams have a 524-130 record, a win percentage of .801.
- Williams captured his 100th overall victory since coaching in the ACC on March 4, 2007, against the Duke Blue Devils. Williams is the second-fastest ACC coach to reach 100 victories.
- Williams has won at least one game in the NCAA Tournament for 18 consecutive years (all-time record).
- Williams reached 500 wins faster than any other NCAA basketball coach.
Current NBA Players
- Vince Carter
- George Lynch
- Raymond Felton
- Sean May
- Antwaan Jamison
- Jeff McInnis
- Marvin Williams
- Jackie Manuel
- Brendan Heywood
Michael Jordan
Charlotte Bobcats
lol
Carolina against Duke
Take it away, Tar Heel in Texas
My first experience while judging my sophomore year was with a group known as “The Campers”. Two students cleverly mocking dook’s method of pitching tents for 5 months to receive tickets. Without knowing what was to happen, the men pulled out a butane burner and a frying pan. One student watched as the other consumed eggs, milk, mushrooms, peppers, onions, and ham. He jumped around in a frenzy, then regurgitated his food into the pan. It was cooked to a crisp and consumed by his friend.
That was the end of regurgitating food in the contest. Or so we thought.
Last year’s winner went around the regurgitation rule by letting the audience get in on some action. Flashing Speedos and gawking in their bird costumes, the students danced around while handing ladies hand fulls of gummy worms. Like chicks begging for food, they perched below them as they begged the girls to regurgitate the worms back into their mouths.
