NC State Wolfpack

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Chuck Amato

The goggles are permanently glued to his face.

Once a promising program, Wolfpack football had been slowly sinking under the leadership of Chuck Amato. Tom O'Brien was recently stolen from conference rival Boston College Eagles; expect more mediocrity to follow. Accomplishments include:

  • A 5-6 record in 2004, while having the best defense in the country.
  • Manboobs.
  • Blaming said loss on non-qualifiers being allowed in the MAC, despite only three being on the Zips, who have a higher graduation rate than the Wolfpack.
  • Crying in a subsequent press-conference, while whining in a voice that cannot qualify as human.
  • Boosters buying recruits in Miami such as Bobby Washington, who procede to hilariously get booted from the program.
  • Losing in-state recruiting battles to John Bunting. Frequently losing recruiting battles to teams from the Big East for Florida recruits.

After Amato


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N.C. State Basketball was pretty big in the eighties, with Jimmy V riding around the country in a helicopter, handing out million-dollar handshakes. Since then, their status has been eclipsed by Duke, in both the ACC and their rivalry with UNC. Despite this fact, their fan base continues to insist that coaches like Rick Barnes DREAM of coaching in Raleigh.

Their insane fanbase scared away perpetual winner and all-around good guy Herb Sendek to Arizona State, along with a bunch of highly-rated recruits. The resulting hilarious coaching search involved everyone in the country (including several SAS Posters turning down the Wolfpack's offers, until they eventually settled on failed NBA retread Sidney Lowe. As in football, in basketball they are expected to continue to slide into irrelevance and the ACC cellar. Wolfpack fans go into a blind rage at the very mention of a Princeton offense.



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