Joe Morgan

In this photo, ESPN's Joe Morgan steals an old lady's social security check

WON'T SHUT THE FUCK UP

Filled with pathological hatred for Moneyball, a book he has never read. Believes sincerely that Billy Beane wrote the book about himself.

Needs to have a pencil stuck in his gut.

His daughter Ashley is a gymnast. I only know this because he mentions it every Sunday night. Also, Joe loves his family.

Black People Who Hate White People

He also obviously hates: Jon Miller, Billy Beane, Michael Lewis*, All Baseball fans regardless of color.

*That is he would if he knew Michael Lewis wrote the book.

"Well despite the fact that it is my profession to watch Baseball games and know and understand teams, I have not seen at least 75% of the teams play a game and therefore if you ask for my opinion I will say I don't know. Because numbers are totally meaningless in every way and I can not use them to make decisions." - Joe Morgan

"But If I can't see the guys, I can't make an analysis. You could show me stats all day, but unless I can see these guys play, I can't decide. By the way I won't be able to see those guys play. Yes baseball is probably the easiest sport to watch at least the highlights of almost every game thanks to MLB.tv, and I am paid for that very job, but I know that computers involve statistics somehow." - Joe Morgan, when asked if he would rather have a player hitting .421/.530/.709 or one hitting .121/.197/-.097

"Tony Perez. Tony Perez. Tony Perez. Tony Perez. Tony Perez. Tony Perez." - Joe Morgan

"Good lord, what have I become? I was an amazing 2B, a Hall of Famer with an OPS+ of 132 for my career and I was never a big RBI guy. Now I dismiss the very things that made me a great player. Where have I gone wrong?" - Joe Morgan

Using the Sabometric statistic VORP, Joe Morgan has a claim on 6 NL MVP Awards IN A ROW. He lead the NL in 1972, 1973, 1974, 1975, and 1976; and in 1977 he finished second to George Foster. As VORP does not account for defense (defense,lol), he very well could have had it that year as well. Joe Morgan was the embodiment of a great player, and, on top of that, a sabermetrician's wet dream; he played good defense at a key defensive position, stole many bases at a good percentage, and had great on-base percentages while hitting for solid power as well. WHY DO YOU HATE STATS JOE

Do you know how many people have won 6 MVP Awards in a row? NO ONE, before Albert Pujols did it from the years 2005-2013 (9 of them!!), when he retired from baseball at the age of 52.

If you even dare to mention VORP around Joe Morgan, he'll go all Drunken Irishman on your ass. So sadly Joe Morgan will never know how good of a player he was, as he will never see these statistics.

Once punched Peter Gammons in the face for calling him "the black Snidely Whiplash".