Joe Montana

From SAS Wiki

Hallelujah!

In the beginning Joe Montana created the heavens and the Earth. The Earth was without form and void, and darkness was upon the face of the end zone; and the blathering of the commentators was moving over the face of the gridiron.

And Joe Montana said, "Let there be a game"; and there was a game. And Montana saw that the game was good; and Montana separated the good seats from the bad. Montana called the good seats good, and the bad seats he called the nosebleeds. And there were hot dogs and there was beer.

And Joe Montana said, "Let there be a windowed room for the special people." And Joe Montana made such a room and called in the skybox. And it was so.

And Joe Montana said, "Let the players be gathered together into one place, and let them plan their plays." And it was so. Montana called it a scrimmage, and it was good. And Montana said, "Let the linesmen block the defense while I pass the ball to Jerry Rice." And it was so. The linesmen blocked the defense while Montana threw a long pass to Jerry Rice. And God saw that it was good. And there was a first down.

And Joe Montana did lead the 49ers down the field to the end zone. And a touchdown was scored. And it was good.

And it came to pass that an army of orange marched over the horizon, and they were terrible to behold. They challenged the hegemony of Joe Montana twice, and both times did they show no fear. Their numbers were many and their strength was mighty.

And twice Joe Montana said, "Screw you fuckers, I'm going to beat you in a really horrendous agonizing way now. Why can't you roll over and die?"

And Joe Montana said "Hey, isn't that John Candy?"

And twice Joe Montana defeated the army of orange in a really horrendous agonizing way and ripped its heart from its body, which he then wore like a hat and started a brief fashion trend. And the army of orange retreated to its stronghold with its tail between its legs, its glory removed.

And after the second victory Joe Montana said "My life's work is complete. Now I can retire and swim in a bath full of money."

And Joe Montana rode off to the retirement home a hero unlike any before or since.

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