Fulmer Cup 2011

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How the hell else are we gonna keep track of all the criminals we cheer for?

The Fulmer Cup, named after Tennessee Volunteers head coach and his school of well-behaved student-athletes, is an invention of EDSBS.

This page only tracks points officially given out by EDSBS. For a rough list of cases currently unscored, for our own reference mostly, please visit the Fulmer Cup Processing Station.

2011 Scoreboard, Final

Also check out the all-time scoreboard, the 2006 scoreboard, the 2007 scoreboard, the 2008 Scoreboard, the 2009 Scoreboard, and the 2010 Scoreboard

Rank School Points +/- Details
1st Auburn Tigers 81 -- Domestic Assault, 24 Felonies from an Armed Robbery, Unregistered Vehicle
2nd Marshall Thundering Herd 26 -- Domestic Battery, Disorderly Conduct, Domestic Assault, Armed Robbery
3rd Syracuse Orange 22 -- Underage Drinking, Slingin' Lortabs, Assault and Robbery
4th Arkansas Razorbacks 19 -- Emot-weed.gif, Weed, DUI and other traffic violations, Correction to match Big Board
5th Iowa State Cyclones 18 -- DUI, Assaulting a cop, Coach DUI, Controlled Substance, DUI
6th Washington State Cougars 14 -- Stolen Laptop and Emot-weed.gif, Domestic Assault, Stolen Stop Sign, Pills, and Weed
6th Miami Hurricanes 14 -- Bathroom Disturbance, Rape
6th Oregon Ducks 14 -- Messing with the cops, Nap Time, 4Loko, 118mph with suspended license
9th Oregon State Beavers 13 -- Kidnapping, MIPx4
9th Illinois Fighting Illini 13 -- Gay Bashing, DUIx2, Correction to match Big Board
11th Virginia Cavaliers 12 -- Assault and Breaking and Entering x3, Charges Dropped
11th Florida Gators 12 -- Emot-weed.gif, Emot-weed.gifEmot-weed.gifEmot-weed.gif, Underage Drinking
13th Rice Owls 9 -- Firearms, Weed, and Theft
13th Toledo Rockets 9 -- Punching Girlfriend, Assault
15th Penn State Nittany Lions 8 -- Extreme DUI, Fighting
15th Duke Blue Devils 8 -- Trafficking Cocaine and Weed
15th Florida Atlantic Owls 8 -- Copper Theft
15th South Carolina Gamecocks 8 -- DUI, nuisance, Underage Drinking
15th Louisiana State Tigers 8 -- Bar Fight
20th Pittsburgh Panthers 7 -- Drunk and tazed, Emot-weed.gif
20th West Virginia Mountaineers 7 -- Weed and a firearm, Armed Robbery
20th Ole Miss Rebels 7 -- Shoplifting, Public Intox, Public Intox
20th Kansas Jayhawks 7 -- DUI, Drunk Racing
24th Utah Utes 6 -- DUI
24th Virginia Tech Hokies 6 -- DUI, Child Endagerment
24th Colorado State Rams 6 -- Bounced Check, Big Party
27th Michigan State Spartans 5 -- Punching Brits
27th East Carolina Pirates 5 -- Yelling in the streets
27th Louisville Cardinals 5 -- DUI after hitting cop car
27th Oklahoma Sooners 5 -- DUI and Obstruction, Emot-weed.gif, Shoplifting, Missed Court
31st Nebraska Cornhuskers 4 -- DUI
31st New Mexico Lobos 4 -- Saggy Pants
31st Tennessee Volunteers 4 -- Domestic Assault, Drunk Car Punching
31st Mississippi State Bulldogs 4 -- Weed and Alcohol Possession, Domestic Assault
35th Connecticut Huskies 3 -- Emot-weed.gif
35th Arizona State Sun Devils 3 -- Sex with a 14 year old
35th Ball State Cardinals 3 -- DUI
35th Florida State Seminoles 3 -- Suspended License x2
35th Kentucky Wildcats 3 -- Careless Driving
35th Washington Huskies 3 -- Running from the cops and weed
35th Notre Dame Fighting Irish 3 -- DUI
35th Michigan Wolverines 3 -- DUI
Up g.gif 35th Hawaii Warriors 3 +3 Assault
44th North Carolina Tarheels 2 -- DUI
44th Missouri Tigers 2 -- Drinking in a car
44th Louisiana-Lafayette Ragin' Cajuns 2 -- DUI
44th Texas A&M Aggies 2 -- Emot-weed.gif, Fighting
48th Arkansas Razorbacks 1 -- Emot-weed.gif
48th Alabama Crimson Tide 1 -- Hindering an Investigation
48th Boise State Broncos 1 -- Choking a man
48th Texas Longhorns 1 -- Disorderly Conduct
48th UCF Knights 1 -- Suspended License

  • *- Individual Offenses, Thus in running for ETJ3 Award


The player in question MUST BE ON ROSTER at the time of arrest. No Ex-Players!

  • Murder: 10 points. We don't want to start quantifying evil, but if you violate society's original taboo, then you should get more than two points more than the guy getting a DUI. Thus the figure of ten points is decided on because ten sounds like a lot, and because if we are accused of trivializing murder we can point to it and go "hey, that's a big number, and seriously we didn't joke about it." As always, this is null and void if this involves the murder of a clown.
  • Cannibalism: Also 10 points. You say, "Oh, when will you use THAT?" This is what people who have no idea how the universe works, since it is just looking for a reason to put a college football cannibalism scandal into this website's life. (Dibs on Wisconsin being the first. Sausage tells no tales, and you really don't want to know how this particular sausage is made.)
  • Sex Crimes: 5 points. This is a new category to cover anything in the category, since the last thing we want to do is attempt to quantify the horrendous category of Sex Crimes. Five points and done. Still downgraded to one if either participant is wearing a clown mask?
  • Bestiality: 4 points. No, having sex with a rival's ladies does not count as a sex crime either, you clever person. Including the EDSBS Official GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD: the arrest of Oregon State player Ben Siegert for stealing a sheep used in a study on homosexuality in sheep.
  • Grand Larceny: 4 points. We use this as a catchall for players being involved in crime so outrageous and well-planned it can only be described as 'nefarious,' 'professional,' or 'legislation.' Applies to large drug rings, chop shop operations, and the Haitian human trafficking ring that's been run out of the Miami locker room since '93. (We kid! They didn't get that thing humming 'til '95 at the earliest.)
  • Hitting Girls: 3 points. We'll downgrade this to 2 if the girl can hold her weight and requires daily medication to prevent her from gouging her own eyes out (since those were the ones we always ended up dating, and we understand); or we'll upgrade to 4 points if the damage includes intensive care. Dad always said never hit girls, so we take this one seriously. Dad also said always double down with split aces, too, but we'll be damned if we didn't end up selling bone marrow in Macau the last time we followed that bit of advice.
  • Car theft/Assault/Driving through houses drunk/Drug possession of the Tyrone Biggums variety: 3 points. "Drug possession" never sounds all that bad until you add in 'crack cocaine,' which is society's signifier that your life has gone from that of high functioning simian in a complex society to that of a rat with electrodes in your brain's pleasure centers hitting a pedal in a glass box in a lab. Weed? Par for the course, especially if you're NFL-bound. Crack? Break out the Sports Century 'Weepy Sonata' music, because the story of your descent from boundless potential has just begun, and they haven't even begun to show the grainy shots of 130-lb you huddled in a shelter on Skid Row.
  • Fightin' in 'da Club/Weed Possession/Standard DUI: 2 points. Any scenario involving group fighting of a thugged-out, 'we run this place' variety, and marijuana possession of the nickel bag level. Possession of 100 pounds of marijuana is a totally different thing, and takes you right back up to the 4 point 'nefarious' level.
  • Drankin'/Suspended License/Assorted petty misdemeanors: 1 point. Covers basic citations and stupid things cops like to cite drunk people for doing.

Bonus points are awarded at the whim of EDSBS or 1 bonus point for more than three arrests.

The Ellis T Jones III rule states that no team can win the Fulmer Cup based solely on the performance of one player. If the top scoring team does not have more than one player arrested, the Fulmer Cup is awarded to the next top scoring team.

The Ellis T. Jones III Award

This award goes to the individual who contributes the most points to his team during the season, OR has the most incredible incident that resulted in Fulmer Cup points. Named after Ellis T. Jones III, the greatest collegiate criminal ever.
Ellis T. Jones III Award Winners:

  • 2011: Marshall's Troy Evans with 16 points for a robbery spree.
  • 2010: FSU's Nigel Carr with 13 points for breaking into cars.
  • 2009: USF's Trent Pupello with 17 points for a pistol whipping spree.
  • 2008: Alabama's Jimmy John with 20 points for selling cocaine.
  • 2007: Ronnie M. Wilson of Florida, for firing off a semi-automatic rifle during a road rage incident.
  • 2006: Ellis T. Jones himself, for 13 felony counts stemming from using Craigslist to meet robbery targets.

Past Fulmer Cup Champions



2013 Fulmer Cup Standings
The Top 10:

1: Roll Tide - 16
2: Trojans - 15
3: Utes - 14*
4: Gators - 9
4: Blue Raiders - 9
6: Mountaineers - 6
7: Longhorns - 5
7: Cougars - 5
9: Wolfpack - 3
10: Aggies - 2

The Fulmer Cup.
Also In Contention:

11: Panthers - 1
11: Bulldogs - 1
11: Jayhawks - 1
11: Nitanny Lions - 1

2006 | 2007 | 2008 | 2009 | 2010 | 2011 | 2012 | All-Time | The ETJ3 Award