Fulmer Cup

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How the hell else are we gonna keep track of all the criminals we cheer for?

The Fulmer Cup, named after Tennessee Volunteers head coach and his school of well-behaved student-athletes, is an invention of EDSBS.

This page only tracks points officially given out by EDSBS. For a rough list of cases currently unscored, for our own reference mostly, please visit the Fulmer Cup Processing Station.

2012 Scoreboard, August 27th

Also check out the all-time scoreboard, the 2006 scoreboard, the 2007 scoreboard, the 2008 Scoreboard, the 2009 Scoreboard, the 2010 Scoreboard, or 2011 Scoreboard

Rank School Points +/- Details
1st Arkansas Razorbacks 68 -- Debit card fraud, Theft, Aggravated burglary, Residential Burglary (x19)
2nd TCU Horned Frogs 37 -- Drug dealing x4
3rd Arizona Wildcats 15 -- Tresspassing, Assault, Hitting Girls
3rd Marshall Thundering Herd 15 -- DUI, Barfight
3rd South Carolina Gamecocks 15 -- Disorderly Conduct, Burglary and Grand Larceny, DUI
3rd Temple Owls 15 -- Aggravated assault, forcible rape, sexual assault, unlawful restraint and false imprisonment*
7th Georgia Bulldogs 14 -- Hitting girls, Emot-weed.gif, Possession of a concealed firearm in a school zone, filed off serial number, DUI
Up g.gif 7th Texas Tech Red Raiders 14 +4 Credit card fraud, DWI, Burglary
Down r.gif 9th Michigan Wolverines 12 -- Destroying property, Denting a car hood, DUI, Home invasion
Down r.gif 9th Pittsburgh Panthers 12 -- Aggravated Assault x2, Resisting Arrest, Emot-weed.gif
Down r.gif 9th Washington State Cougars 12 -- Assault, Trespassing, Obstruction of a public servant, Emot-weed.gif, Assault, DUI, Public intoxication, theft
12th Hawaii Warriors 9 -- DUI, DUI, DUI
12th Oregon State Beavers 9 -- DUI and eluding police, Barfight
12th Purdue Boilermakers 9 -- Kissing a girl, Concealed firearm, Fighting with a bouncer, Hitting girls
15th Central Michigan Chippewas 8 -- Selling mushrooms, Larceny, Receiving stolen property
15th Florida Gators 8 -- Emot-weed.gif, Paraphernalia, Hitting girls, Driving on suspended license
15th Notre Dame Fighting Irish 8 -- Assaulting officers, Underage drinking
Up g.gif 15th Tulane Green Wave 8 +4 Gun Possession, Emot-weed.gif, Armed Robbery
Down r.gif 19th East Carolina Pirates 7 -- Animal abuse, Emot-weed.gif
Down r.gif 19th Minnesota Golden Gophers 7 -- Stealing luggage, credit card fraud, Barfight
Down r.gif 19th Missouri Tigers 7 -- Failure to appear, Failure to appear, Leaving the scene of an accident
Down r.gif 19th Ohio State Buckeyes 7 -- Public urination, running from the cops, Hitting girls, Disorderly conduct
Down r.gif 19th UCF Knights 7 -- Punching a police officer, resisting arrest
Up g.gif 19th UTSA Roadrunners 7 +7 2xRobbery
Down r.gif 25th Clemson Tigers 6 -- Hitting girls, Emot-weed.gif
Down r.gif 25th Kansas Jayhawks 6 -- DUI, Fighting bar employees
Down r.gif 25th San Diego State Aztecs 6 -- Felony assault
Up g.gif 25th Tennessee Volunteers 6 +3 Theft, Jet Ski Shenanigans
Down r.gif 25th West Virginia Mountaineers 6 -- Petty Theft, DUI, Shoplifting
Up g.gif 30th Ball State Cardinals 5 +2 Barfight, Emot-weed.gif
Down r.gif 30th Bowling Green Falcons 5 -- Obstruction
Down r.gif 30th Duke Blue Devils 5 -- Hitting girls
Down r.gif 30th Iowa Hawkeyes 5 -- Theft, Maintaining a disorderly house, 60 in a 25, eluding police
Down r.gif 30th Iowa State Cyclones 5 -- Stealing iPods, Possession of a controlled substance, Public intoxication and interfering with an official
Down r.gif 30th Oklahoma State Cowboys 5 -- Traffic misdemeanors, Public intoxication
Down r.gif 36th Florida State Seminoles 4 -- Obstructing a Police Officer, Driving w/suspended licenses and Emot-weed.gif
Down r.gif 36th Kentucky Wildcats 4 -- Drug Trafficking
Down r.gif 36th Penn State Nittany Lions 4 -- Disorderly conduct, Retail theft, Harassment
Down r.gif 36th Texas A&M Aggies 4 -- Shirtless scrappin'
Down r.gif 36th UTEP Miners 4 -- Hitting girls
Down r.gif 36th Virginia Tech Hokies 4 -- Public intoxication, Grand larceny
Up g.gif 42nd Auburn Tigers 3 +1 Failure to appear, Public Intoxication, Public Intoxication
Down r.gif 42nd Baylor Bears 3 -- Sexual Assault
Down r.gif 42nd Colorado Buffaloes 3 -- Lighting fires
Down r.gif 42nd Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets 3 -- Public intoxication, disorderly conduct, hindering an officer
Down r.gif 42nd MTSU Blue Raiders 3 -- Aggravated Assault
Down r.gif 42nd New Mexico Lobos 3 -- Macing his girlfriend
Down r.gif 42nd NC State Wolfpack 3 -- Emot-weed.gif
Down r.gif 42nd Oregon Ducks 3 -- DUI
Down r.gif 42nd Southern Miss Golden Eagles 3 -- Burglary
Down r.gif 42nd Stanford Cardinal 3 -- DUI
Down r.gif 42nd Texas Longhorns 3 -- Waiting for pizza
Down r.gif 53rd Boston College Eagles 2 -- Recording roomate having sex
Down r.gif 53rd Cincinnati Bearcats 2 -- Burglary, Failure to Appear
Down r.gif 53rd Illinois Fighting Illini 2 -- DUI
Down r.gif 53rd Nevada Wolf Pack 2 -- DUI
Down r.gif 53rd Ole Miss Rebels 2 -- Public intoxication
Down r.gif 58th Kansas State Wildcats 1 -- Driving on a suspended license
Down r.gif 58th Syracuse Orange 1 -- Cologne Theft
Down r.gif 58th Wisconsin Badgers 1 -- Superloitering

  • *- Individual Offenses, Thus in running for ETJ3 Award


The player in question MUST BE ON ROSTER at the time of arrest. No Ex-Players!

  • Murder: 10 points. We don't want to start quantifying evil, but if you violate society's original taboo, then you should get more than two points more than the guy getting a DUI. Thus the figure of ten points is decided on because ten sounds like a lot, and because if we are accused of trivializing murder we can point to it and go "hey, that's a big number, and seriously we didn't joke about it." As always, this is null and void if this involves the murder of a clown.
  • Cannibalism: Also 10 points. You say, "Oh, when will you use THAT?" This is what people who have no idea how the universe works, since it is just looking for a reason to put a college football cannibalism scandal into this website's life. (Dibs on Wisconsin being the first. Sausage tells no tales, and you really don't want to know how this particular sausage is made.)
  • Sex Crimes: 5 points. This is a new category to cover anything in the category, since the last thing we want to do is attempt to quantify the horrendous category of Sex Crimes. Five points and done. Still downgraded to one if either participant is wearing a clown mask?
  • Bestiality: 4 points. No, having sex with a rival's ladies does not count as a sex crime either, you clever person. Including the EDSBS Official GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD: the arrest of Oregon State player Ben Siegert for stealing a sheep used in a study on homosexuality in sheep.
  • Grand Larceny: 4 points. We use this as a catchall for players being involved in crime so outrageous and well-planned it can only be described as 'nefarious,' 'professional,' or 'legislation.' Applies to large drug rings, chop shop operations, and the Haitian human trafficking ring that's been run out of the Miami locker room since '93. (We kid! They didn't get that thing humming 'til '95 at the earliest.)
  • Hitting Girls: 3 points.
  • Car theft/Assault/Driving through houses drunk/Drug possession of the Tyrone Biggums variety: 3 points. "Drug possession" never sounds all that bad until you add in 'crack cocaine,' which is society's signifier that your life has gone from that of high functioning simian in a complex society to that of a rat with electrodes in your brain's pleasure centers hitting a pedal in a glass box in a lab. Weed? Par for the course, especially if you're NFL-bound. Crack? Break out the Sports Century 'Weepy Sonata' music, because the story of your descent from boundless potential has just begun, and they haven't even begun to show the grainy shots of 130-lb you huddled in a shelter on Skid Row.
  • Fightin' in 'da Club/Weed Possession/Standard DUI: 2 points. Any scenario involving group fighting of a thugged-out, 'we run this place' variety, and marijuana possession of the nickel bag level. Possession of 100 pounds of marijuana is a totally different thing, and takes you right back up to the 4 point 'nefarious' level.
  • Drankin'/Suspended License/Assorted petty misdemeanors: 1 point. Covers basic citations and stupid things cops like to cite drunk people for doing.

Bonus points are awarded at the whim of EDSBS or 1 bonus point for more than three arrests.

The Ellis T Jones III rule states that no team can win the Fulmer Cup based solely on the performance of one player. If the top scoring team does not have more than one player arrested, the Fulmer Cup is awarded to the next top scoring team.

The Ellis T. Jones III Award

This award goes to the individual who contributes the most points to his team during the season, OR has the most incredible incident that resulted in Fulmer Cup points. Named after Ellis T. Jones III, the greatest collegiate criminal ever.
Ellis T. Jones III Award Winners:

  • 2011: Marshall's Troy Evans with 16 points for a robbery spree.
  • 2010: FSU's Nigel Carr with 13 points for breaking into cars.
  • 2009: USF's Trent Pupello with 17 points for a pistol whipping spree.
  • 2008: Alabama's Jimmy John with 20 points for selling cocaine.
  • 2007: Ronnie M. Wilson of Florida, for firing off a semi-automatic rifle during a road rage incident.
  • 2006: Ellis T. Jones himself, for 13 felony counts stemming from using Craigslist to meet robbery targets.

Past Fulmer Cup Champions



2013 Fulmer Cup Standings
The Top 10:

1: Roll Tide - 16
2: Trojans - 15
3: Utes - 14*
4: Gators - 9
4: Blue Raiders - 9
6: Mountaineers - 6
7: Longhorns - 5
7: Cougars - 5
9: Wolfpack - 3
10: Aggies - 2

The Fulmer Cup.
Also In Contention:

11: Panthers - 1
11: Bulldogs - 1
11: Jayhawks - 1
11: Nitanny Lions - 1

2006 | 2007 | 2008 | 2009 | 2010 | 2011 | 2012 | All-Time | The ETJ3 Award