Detroit Tigers

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The recent history of the Detroit Tigers, in three parts


The Tigers are the worst team in baseball, move out of their beloved home, and are generally mediocre. Lowest point is 2003, where we lose 119 games. Only small high points are Robert Fick closing Tiger Stadium with a rooftop home run, Pudge Rodriguez signing with the team in 2004, and the 2005 All-Star Game.

The 2006 Season

The Tigers have a miracle, franchise-reviving season, only to choke a large division lead to Minnesota during the final month of the season. However, as the wild-card, the Tigers make it to the World Series, their pitchers forget how to field, and they lose big time to probably the worst World Series champs in history.

The 2007 + 2008 Seasons

The Tigers spend a lot of money, sign a ton of free agents, yet suck again.

The 2009 Season

The Tigers have a miracle, city-inspiring season, only to (surprise!) choke a large division lead to Minnesota during the final month of the season. This time around, the Tigers don't luck into the wild-card. GM Dave Dombrowski eases the pain of disappointment by promptly trading the most beloved Tiger, Curtis Granderson, to the New York Yankees.

The 1st half of the 2010 Season

Hey, this team isn't so bad after all! Miguel Cabera is hitting the fuck out of everything, this Brennan Boesch fella looks pretty good, the bullpen isn't a shitshow, Armando Galarraga had a perfect game kinda-sorta, awesome!

Fuuuuck Joel Zumaya got hurt, oh well we're only one game out of first!

The 2nd half of the 2010 Season

Did we just get swept in a 4 game series by the fucking Indians? Oh great, now Brandon Inge is hurt. What was that noise? Oh, just Magglio Ordonez' ankle snapping. Well it couldn't get much aaaand Carlos Guillen to the 15 day disabled list. LONG LIVE DANNY WORTH

The 2011 Season

The Tigers lose in the ALCS. Ho-hum.

The 2012 Season

Thinking that just one piece is missing, the Tigers hand a hundred-billion dollar contract with infinity years to Prince Fielder and move Miguel Cabrera back to third base. In a season in which the team is expected to run away with the AL Central, the Tigers stagger to the finish line, barely passing the Chicago White Sox in the last week. The team survives against a surprising Oakland Athletics club and then sweeps the Yankees in the ALCS after New York's bats go almost completely silent.

Then they lose the worst World Series ever.

The 2013 Season

BOSTON STRONG BOSTON STRONG also that's what you get for crushing Billy Beane's dreams for another year.

The 2014 Season

Leyland retires forever so let's replace him with Brad Ausmus for some reason. I'm pretty sure that Prince is never going to be a good player again so let's swap him for Ian Kinsler and grab Joba so that we still have a fat guy on the team.

The 2015 Season

Can a team win the AL Central without being good at baseball? Let's find out!

Tigers Facts

  • Had Ty Cobb for 23 years, didn't win World Series until he left
  • Only Detroit franchise to spark a riot (1984)
  • Only Detroit franchise to quell a riot (1968)
  • 2nd worst team in modern history (2003, 43-119)
  • Still paying Bobby Higginson 29 million a year
  • Dmitri Young will choke a bitch, but not in Detroit. Currently on the lam with brother Delmon.

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