Detroit Tigers

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Contents

The recent history of the Detroit Tigers, in three parts

1995-2005

The Tigers are the worst team in baseball, move out of their beloved home, and are generally mediocre. Lowest point is 2003, where we lose 119 games. Only small high points are Robert Fick closing Tiger Stadium with a rooftop home run, Pudge Rodriguez signing with the team in 2004, and the 2005 All-Star Game.

The 2006 Season

The Tigers have a miracle, franchise-reviving season, only to choke a large division lead to Minnesota during the final month of the season. However, as the wild-card, the Tigers make it to the World Series, their pitchers forget how to field, and they lose big time to probably the worst World Series champs in history.

The 2007 + 2008 Seasons

The Tigers spend a lot of money, sign a ton of free agents, yet suck again.

The 2009 Season

The Tigers have a miracle, city-inspiring season, only to (surprise!) choke a large division lead to Minnesota during the final month of the season. This time around, the Tigers don't luck into the wild-card. GM Dave Dombrowski eases the pain of disappointment by promptly trading the most beloved Tiger, Curtis Granderson, to the New York Yankees.

The 1st half of the 2010 Season

Hey, this team isn't so bad after all! Miguel Cabera is hitting the fuck out of everything, this Brennan Boesch fella looks pretty good, the bullpen isn't a shitshow, Armando Galarraga had a perfect game kinda-sorta, awesome!

Fuuuuck Joel Zumaya got hurt, oh well we're only one game out of first!

The 2nd half of the 2010 Season

Did we just get swept in a 4 game series by the fucking Indians? Oh great, now Brandon Inge is hurt. What was that noise? Oh, just Magglio Ordonez' ankle snapping. Well it couldn't get much aaaand Carlos Guillen to the 15 day disabled list. LONG LIVE DANNY WORTH

The 2011 Season

The Tigers lose in the ALCS. Ho-hum.

The 2012 Season

Thinking that just one piece is missing, the Tigers hand a hundred-billion dollar contract with infinity years to Prince Fielder and move Miguel Cabrera back to third base. In a season in which the team is expected to run away with the AL Central, the Tigers stagger to the finish line, barely passing the Chicago White Sox in the last week. The team survives against a surprising Oakland Athletics club and then sweeps the Yankees in the ALCS after New York's bats go almost completely silent.

Then they lose the worst World Series ever.


Tigers Facts

  • Had Ty Cobb for 23 years, didn't win World Series until he left
  • Only Detroit franchise to spark a riot (1984)
  • Only Detroit franchise to quell a riot (1968)
  • 2nd worst team in modern history (2003, 43-119)
  • Still paying Bobby Higginson 29 million a year
  • Dmitri Young will choke a bitch, but not in Detroit. Currently on the lam with brother Delmon.

Related Links



MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL

AMERICAN LEAGUE
EASTERN DIVISION

Baltimore Orioles
Boston Red Sox
New York Yankees
Tampa Bay Devil Rays
Toronto Blue Jays

CENTRAL DIVISION

Chicago White Sox
Cleveland Indians
Detroit Tigers
Kansas City Royals
Minnesota Twins

WESTERN DIVISION

Houston Astros
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
Oakland Athletics
Seattle Mariners
Texas Rangers


NATIONAL LEAGUE
EASTERN DIVISION

Atlanta Braves
Miami Marlins
New York Mets
Philadelphia Phillies
Washington Nationals

CENTRAL DIVISION

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Cincinnati Reds
Milwaukee Brewers
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St. Louis Cardinals

WESTERN DIVISION

Arizona Diamondbacks
Colorado Rockies
Los Angeles Dodgers
San Diego Padres
San Francisco Giants