Boston College Eagles

From SAS Wiki
Jump to: navigation, search

Contents

Traitors

BC football is run by a bunch of jerks who ran to the ACC like common whores. Boston College is subsequently not only reviled by every good-natured college football fan in the Northeast, but despised in the city of Boston as well by anyone is actually aware that the school exists.

Football History

Boston College football has a long, rich legacy built on the massive foundations of two actual accomplishments:

Overrated

Boston College is routinely criticized for playing schedules full of cupcakes, easily challenging schools such as Virginia Tech, Kansas State, and Texas Tech for the worst OOC schedule in the country annually. For example, in 2005, they played Ball State, BYU, and Army. After that abortion, BC fans had the audacity to complain when they were justly exiled to the Smurf Turf in favor of teams that don't collectively tape their penises between their legs every saturday and have fanbases that actually travel.

Internet Justice

Boston College is also infamous due to its famous patron, the morbidly obese Mike Farrell, an analyst for Rivals. He serves as both the writer for the BC site and recruiting analyst for the Northeast, and hence is notorious for both overrating marginal prospects with no other offers, and ludicrously listing every elite prospect in the known universe as being interested in BC. While this has the unfortunate effect of making the handful of Boston College fans that actually exist very obnoxious every February, they are quickly silenced during subsequent seasons when the commits prove to be overrated garbage. The cycle then begins anew with more ridiculous recruiting hysteria.

Farrell somehow finds time to run this racket despite the fact that physicists dispute the possibility that he would ever have time to log into the internet when he already spends 24 hours a day hooked up to an iv of bacon grease. It is also the case that no recruits honestly want to go to a school filled with those preppie assholes you hated in high school that frequently experience hair gel poisoning and charge thousands to Abercrombie & Fitch and American Eagle on daddy's amex card. Farrell is directly responsible for financial hits to Rivals, as he personally drove away the Syracuse and Connecticut sites to Scout, and is also responsible for a mass exodus of fans opposed to his moonlighting as a Virginia homer.

Controversy

Boston College famously admitted such upstanding characters as convinced rapist Will Poole, William Green, Bill Romanowski, drug dealer Ray Henderson, rapist Brady Smith, drunk driver Jeff Burns, and a punter (Jeff Gomulinski) who kidnapped his girlfriend and locked her in his car. 13 players were booted off the team in 1997 following allegations that they bet money against the team to lose (admittedly easy money, but still retarded and a gigantic NCAA violation). In 2006, their kicker, Ryan Ohliger upon being taunted in a bar over missing three extra points in recent weeks, attacked another student without physical provocation. After slamming him to the floor, he kicked the student in the face.

The moral of the story? Do not fuck with a BC player, unless you want to be raped, kidnapped, or lose all of your teeth.

And shut the fuck up about Matt Ryan.

"Fans"?

There are only a few thousand BC fans in existence, and they're either trust-fund babies or unapologetic racists.

NCAA DIVISION I

ATLANTIC COAST CONFERENCE
ACC ATLANTIC

Boston College Eagles
Clemson Tigers
Florida State Seminoles
Maryland Terrapins
NC State Wolfpack
Wake Forest Demon Deacons

ACC COASTAL

Duke Blue Devils
Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets
Miami Hurricanes
North Carolina Tar Heels
Virginia Cavaliers
Virginia Tech Hokies


BCS CONFERENCES
NON-BCS CONFERENCES

Atlantic Coast
Big 12 10
Big East
Big Ten Twelve
Pac 12 10
Southeastern

Mid-American
Western Athletic
Mountain West
Sun Belt
Conference USA